Dear Lance,

How have you been? Oh wait, that’s a silly question isn’t it.

It’s silly because not a day goes by that I don’t see your name in an article about nothing, where you say you’ve done nothing.

Honestly, I don’t care if you did or didn’t. Because the out come has no effect on my daily life. But I do find it disrupting. From CNN & Triathlete magazine to every sports blog known to man… You’re mentioned.

Each story is the same. You’ve done nothing.

Great. Got it.

Even when there is a story about you doing SOMETHING, because of the sanctions against you, the event doesn’t even count. So really you’re still doing nothing.

To be fair though, the “nothing” that you’re doing does raise money for LIVESTRONG (even if what the foundation does is a little questionable) and other cancer fighting foundations.

So lets cut to the chase. How much cancer fighting money do we need to raise to make you go away?

I’m serious. Just like Deadspin’s campaign to purchase pictures of Ryan Lochte’s member, I’ll start a Kickstarter fund to make this happen.

I don’t have a charity to race for next season either, what do you say I throw on some Black & Yellow spandex and shake a cup along some IM courses for ya?

You tell me what it would take to make you go silent into the night and I’ll do my best to make it happen.

Thanks,

Phil Castello

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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